Exodus 35 through 40

Moses gets some Proactive and calls everyone together to remind them that if they work on the Sabbath they will be put to death. The definition of "work" is broadened to include making a fire, which means cold leftovers for dinner once a week.

Moses then tells everyone to make an offering unto the lord of everything needed to construct the tabernacle and all the furniture inside it, to make the clothes Aaron and his sons must wear when they meet with God, and to concoct the incense and perfume. It's a long list, so review it at your leisure here, here, here, and here.

Moses quickly remembers that God assigned the enormous task to two guys, one from the tribe of Judah and the other from the tribe of Dan. Now, they have help: any wide-hearted men who wanted to pitch in. Except Moses. He’s too busy pointing to the pillar of smoke that’s actually leading them through the desert and assigning the court cases to underlings to handle to do any real work.

"Isn't it awesome that the Lord told me in private up there on the mountain that you guys should all be blessed with this work?" Moses says to them. "I mean, what are the chances that God wouldn't want me to it alone, right?"

Somehow, the desert yields the needed materials, which the Israelites enthusiastically dump at Moses' feet. The pile grows ever larger until someone notices that there is simply more crap then would ever be needed. Moses, considering the hoarding implications, tells everyone to ease up on the offerings for a while.

If you’re like me you’re probably wondering exactly how much the whole shebang cost. Because the KJV is--how do I put this delicately?--poorly written, it's difficult for me to determine. But I do know that 603,550 men aged 20 and older each donated half a shekel to the building and maintenance of the tabernacle, and each shekel is worth about $10 in today's dollars. That means Moses collected a little over $3 million from desert-dwelling refugees to make the tabernacle. But didn’t the Israelites just donate all the needed materials? What did Moses need all that money for then?

After everything is done--it really is a huge undertaking--the Israelites stroll through the marble archway of Moses’ 400-acre spread, past the pure-gold fountain, and up the polished marble steps to Moses’ Frank Lloyd Wright­–designed 9000-square-foot Tudor to wake Moses up from his nap among the fields of tulips brought all the way from Holland by a group of beautiful virgins. Moses stretches and drops frozen peeled grapes into his mouth and glances at the finished product. Blinking like an overstuffed Persian cat on his gilded bed cushions, Moses blesses them, and rolls back over to finish his dream of getting away from all the peasants.

The tabernacle must be assembled once a year, on the first day of the first month. Moses immediately goes out to Crate and Barrel to buy some under-the-bed storage boxes to keep all of the gold and silver and skins and fine linens and shittim wood and candlesticks and tables sand-free until New Year’s.

New Year's Day rolls around and Moses puts everything together, squeezes Aaron and his sons into their outfits, stages the tent, and anoints everything that isn't nailed down--which is everything. There’s so much oil around it looks like the stage of the Mr. Universe competition. When everything is ready a dark cloud descends over the tent. And get this--the cloud prevents Moses from entering the tent and witnessing the true glory of the Lord! Moses, not really clear on the meaning of "foreshadowing," goes back to his estate to have lunch with the virgins.