Deuteronomy 10

Moses is like that balding middle-aged former high school baseballer sitting at the local bar regaling the old timers with stories of the year the team won the pennant. The more you listen to him the more you realize that he peaked in senior year.

Wow, I just realized that Moses is the main character in Bruce Springsteen's "Glory Days."

But instead of recounting the Big Game for the umpteenth time, Moses retells the story of Making the Ark. It's in Exodus somewhere. Find it there if you really want to read about it again. Long story short: Moses should have measured twice and cut once.

Sometime after that Aaron died, then the Levites were allowed to carry the ark around the desert on sticks made of shittim. You know, this has already been covered.

But what hasn't been covered is this: the Wikipedia entry for the Levites includes a list of the notable descendents of the original clan, a list that includes Maroon 5 singer and The Voice judge Adam Levine. In fact, he appears in a cluster of photos with Levite luminaries Moses, Aaron, Samuel, Yitzhaq ben Amram, and Yitzhaq ben Horowitz. I don't who those last two guys are either, but I bet they're significantly more accomplished Jewish-wise than Adam Levine is.

Moses reminds the Israelites to mutilate the genitals of newborn boys as a way to demonstrate their covenant with the Lord. It's a small price to pay for the God who made the Israelites as numerous as the stars in the sky.

Now according to Wikipedia--again! I know!--there are between 13 and 15 million Jews in the world. (The disparity in figures stems from the controversy over who can rightfully be considered Jewish.) This site claims that the most stars one could count in a dark night sky is 2,000. So technically, Moses' statement is true.

But that's only because Moses had no real understanding of the universe. This site estimates that there are 100 billion stars in the Milky Way galaxy alone. Considering there may be more than 125 billion galaxies, you can see that Moses was off by a trillion stars or so. But why would God know that? He only made the entire universe.

Oh, right.