After Joseph's death, the Hebrews finally get around to heeding God's command to Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply. The pharaoh has a big problem with this development, because, as history has taught us, nations dislike a lot of Hebrews, especially they have the temerity to grow into a mighty nation as the Israelites have.
It appears that the new Pharaoh has a selective memory and has conveniently forgotten about all the wonderful things Joseph did for his predecessor. This means that all the promises the previous pharaoh made to Jacob about keeping his family's land and cattle are null and void. Now, because of his betrayal, pharaoh fears that this fruitful and mighty nation will join with Egypt's enemies to overthrow him. He weighs his diplomatic options--should he open talks with the Israelites, promise them aid in exchange for their loyalty in a time of war, maybe just be nice to them--and decides instead to just enslave them because it's the most expedient. The Israelites are evidently not mighty enough to resist and become a nation forced into servitude.
Slavery, however, doesn't solve the pharaoh's problem. What he really wants to do is kill all the Hebrews, but the local chapter of Amnesty International enforces a strict "no genocide" policy. What's a maniac to do under these conditions? Farm out his dirty work to the poor: he instructs every woman who midwifes to an Israelite to kill all the boys they deliver. The girls the pharaoh lets live, not knowing that Jewishness is traced through the mother. It's a small oversight in an otherwise flawless plan.
What he didn't count on was the midwives' fear of God. As a result, they refuse to kill the boys. Pharaoh can't wrap his headdress around the concept. "Why have ye done this thing, and have saved the men children alive?" he asks them
"Because the Hebrew women are not as the Egyptian women," the midwives lie, "for they are lively, and are delivered ere the midwives come in unto them. And you know how stingy they are. Once they have their clutches on their own children it's hard to pry the little fuckers out."
Incensed, pharaoh hatches another plan to rid himself of the Jewish threat: he instructs everyone in the kingdom to throw newborn males into the river. How this indiscriminate drowning helps the Egyptians is a mystery. Presumably, just as many male Egyptian children as Israeli children will be killed; in geopolitical terms that's called a "draw."
However, a nameless couple have a boy and unbelievably opt not to throw him in the river; they instead hide him for 3 months. When the stench of the 90 days worth of diapers becomes too strong to hide any longer they realize they must get rid of their forbidden son. They place the boy in a small basket at the river's edge and have their daughter watch from some distance to see what will happen.
The pharaoh's daughter traipses by with her entourage and discovers the boy, whom she immediately recognizes as a Hebrew. I'm assuming it's because the boy is circumcised, but it might be the dreidel-shaped rattle or his hook nose and green blood. She decides to keep the boy, not realizing that her father will most likely drown the thing as soon as he sees it just do keep up appearances.
Sensing an opportunity, the boy's sister rushes to the pharaoh's daughter and asks if she should go and find a Hebrew to nurse the baby. The pharaoh's daughter agrees. And who does the sister get to nurse the baby? Her own mother, who, you may recall, is also the baby's mother. See how these things work out for the best when you believe in God? One minute you're leaving your baby in a wicker basket in a river and the next your acting as a wet nurse for the pharaoh's daughter. Does life get any better than that?
The boy grows up and is brought to the pharaoh's daughter, who raises him as her son now that all the hard work has been done by someone else. She calls him Moses because she secretly hates him.
As a young man, Moses witnesses an Egyptian kill a Hebrew. He feels a kinship with the smited man and in turn kills the Egyptian and hides the body in the sand. No word on what happen to the Hebrew corpse. Evidently a dead Hebrew lying in the street doesn't cause a scene.
Even though there were no witnesses to either slaying, the pharaoh hears of Moses' crime and puts a hit on him. Moses runs to Vegas, lays low a while, then moves to Midian. One day at a well, the 7 daughters of the high priest of Midian come to fill their troughs and are pushed aside by some greedy shepherds. Moses does nothing to prevent the assault but helps the girls up and then waters their flock. I'm assuming it's not a euphemism and Moses actually gave water to thirsty animals. With the Bible you never really know.
The girls tell their dad of Moses' near-chivalrous behavior and he rewards Moses by giving him one of the girls, Zipporah, for a wife. They have a son, whom they name Bic.
Soon after, the pharoah dies. The Israelites heave a collective sigh of relief, for they believe freedom is near. Not so fast, Israelites! Chapter 3 is coming right up!
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