Numbers 12, 13

Do you recall when Moses got married? Neither do I, and I find it strange that we haven't heard from Zipporah, Moses' wife, all this time in the desert. Certainly if anyone was going to point out the stupidity of Moses not asking for directions to the Promised Land it would have been his wife.

You know who hasn't forgotten about Moses' wife? His brother and sister, Aaron and Miriam. They're still pissed that he married an Ethiopian woman. Read into that what you will. They also complain that people regard Moses as a prophet and not them. I guess they didn't pay attention to the previous chapter, in which those who bellyached about not having enough appetizer choices would up dead with quail between their teeth.

Another thing Aaron and Miriam forget is that God hears everything and leaps at the chance to defend Moses. Moses, He says, isn't your run of the mill prophet. For one thing, God appears to regular prophets in dreams and other unverifiable ways. "With [Moses]," God says, "will I speak mouth to mouth...and not in dark speeches." What that means, I think, is that God sits down with Moses for weekly status meetings in the large conference room at the end of the tabernacle. Of course, that has never happened. After all, God has appeared to Moses as a burning bush, a column of smoke, and a pillar of fire, and the one time Moses convinced God to let him see His divine face all God showed Moses was his butt. Mouth to mouth indeed! 

God being God, He can't let a lecture pass by without an accompanying punishment. So to ensure neither Aaron nor Miriam ever question God's judgment again, He gives Miriam leprosy. Not Aaron, who is just as guilty of complaining as Miriam, just Miriam. 

Moses begs God to cure Miriam immediately, but God is not in a forgiving mood and reminds Moses of the remedy for leprosy he dictated a few chapters earlier: basically seven days spent outside of the camp. Miriam is sent away for a week, and for those seven days the Israelites stay put and wait for Miriam to be clean again.

With Miriam cured, the Israelites march for a while and make camp in Paran. While there, God wants Moses to send out one man from each of the twelve tribes to spy on the land of Canaan. For forty days the twelve case the joint from a nearby mountain, keeping records of the relative morality and number of its residents, its topography, its various kinds of industry, its military preparedness, and the variety of its crops. Before returning to camp, the men sneak into a vineyard and steal a cluster of grapes, which they string up to a pole and carry to Moses like it was a dead deer.

They report that Canaan is flowing with milk and honey--typically interpreted as being a good thing, even though it sounds disgusting and soggy--and the cities are heavily fortified and filled with strong men. One guy, named Caleb, floats the idea that they just barge in and take the city. After all, God has gifted Canaan to the Israelites even though people already live there. Manifest destiny, right?

Some of the other guys--let's call them cowards--disagree, and like a reverse Dick Cheney concoct a story designed to dissuade invasion, namely that the land devours its own people and that roaming the countryside are giants so large that they, the twelve spies, were like grasshoppers next to  them. The Canaanites also have yellow cake and aluminum tubes, which they are totally going to use to make nuclear weapons. The New York Times runs the story and the case for war is made!